You’ve probably heard that men cheat for physical reasons, women for emotional reasons. Sure, there’s some truth to that, but when we asked real women around the country to share why they strayed from their boyfriends, we learned they had a whole host of explanations — from bad kissing to sheer revenge. Read on for the truth about why women have given in to temptation.
Reason #1: There’s no passion
“I had been with John for about three years — he was a really nice guy, and I enjoyed being with him, but there wasn’t a ton of passion. Most everyone we knew had gotten engaged, and though John would have proposed in a second, whenever he brought it up, I’d change the subject. I took a trip to Australia for work and while I was gone, I got together with a coworker to whom I’d always been insanely attracted. I had a fantastic trip, probably because for the first time in a long time I experienced that excitement I’d been missing. I broke up with John soon after I returned home and began dating the guy from the trip. Even though I’m not super-proud of my actions, things ended up for the best: after dating for a few years, the guy from the trip and I got married and we’re incredibly happy together.”
– Giselle, 30, Montvale, NJ
Reason #2: To delay a breakup
“Right before I was going to break up with my ex, Sean, he found out that he had to put his beloved dog to sleep. He was so broken up about it that I didn’t have the heart to end things, so I waited a month or so until he was in better shape. When things seemed to be better and I was ready, he lost his job, so I felt like I was back to square one! By that time I had met someone else that I really wanted to start seeing, so I went ahead and did it. I eventually ended things, never telling Sean about my extracurricular dating. I think I rationalized that I was trying to spare his feelings.”
– Stacy, 30, Lexington, KY
Reason #3: Because absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder
“My boyfriend Greg and I decided to do the long-distance thing after I was accepted to a graduate program 200 miles from where we lived. The first few months were fine, but I soon found myself becoming extremely attracted to my lab partner, Henry. What began as innocent flirting eventually wound up with us getting physical. After the program was over, I returned home to Greg. Being with him was really difficult, but I didn’t break up with him initially because I was still attracted to him, too. I visited Henry a few times and realized that he was really more of a fling, probably done out of boredom, and that Greg was the one for me. I eventually stopped communicating with Henry. I never told Greg about what happened, which occasionally makes me feel guilty, but I chalk my cheating up to being young and silly. He and I are still together, four years after my program ended.”
– Tamara, 33, Portland, OR
Reason #4: To avoid being left out in the cold
“I began dating Eric shortly after I had been dumped by Dave, my boyfriend of two years. I was devastated and Eric was definitely a rebound thing. After Eric and I had dated for five months, Dave came back and wanted to give things another shot. I still really missed him, so I began seeing him, but never ended things with Eric. I think I sort of kept Eric around for insurance purposes, just in case things didn’t end up well with Dave. Dave and I didn’t make it on round two, and after Eric discovered through mutual friends that I had been seeing him again, he ended things with me. I definitely learned my lesson about dating two guys at the same time, not to mention trying to rekindle a relationship that’s just plain over.”
– Jen, 28, Oak Park, IL
Reason #5: To make a break from a bad relationship
“When I was younger, I dated a guy named Ethan who was really critical of me. He constantly made little snide comments about my weight, how stupid I was and how clumsy I was. For whatever odd reason, I was into him, despite the fact that all of my friends and family hated him. One weekend when he was away, I met Will at a party and we completely hit it off. He was the complete opposite of Ethan — kind, sweet and generous, yet completely cool and fun, too. We hung out all weekend and it was like a light bulb went off in my head: This is how mature, relationship-worthy guys act. I kissed Will the night before he left and broke up with Ethan soon after. Will and I dated for three years and now we’re married.”
– Allison, 30, New York, NY
Reason #6: To find that missing piece
“I’m from Florida, so I adore going to the beach and boating, but my former boyfriend, Chris, a total city boy, hated it. We always argued about where we’d take trips, and he always won. About eight months into our relationship, I took a trip to Key West with my friends and we chartered a boat for the day. The captain of the boat was this totally hot, complete ‘beach guy for life’ type, and I spent the whole day flirting with him. We met him out that night and spent time alone together. I never told Chris about it after I got home and I never felt guilty; I think part of me felt like that’s what Chris got for being so stubborn! Chris and I didn’t make it, and after we broke up, I made sure any future boyfriends loved the beach!”
– Lizzie, 32, Chicago, IL
Reason #7: To give him a taste of his own medicine
“My last boyfriend was a total player before we got together. I thought I could change him but I was wrong. I always heard rumors that he was seeing other girls while we were dating, but he always denied it. One night, I got a call from a girl he had been secretly dating, and she detailed their three-month-long relationship to me and told me about another girl she had discovered he was seeing as well. I was so mad that I went out with my friends that night, dressed to kill, and spent time with the most attractive guy; I felt like it was the least he deserved! I loved seeing the look on his face when I told him about what I did and that I knew about the other girls. And then I dumped him!”
“As soon as I got a microphone in my hand, when I was about 14, I realised I wanted to do this,” she says. “Most people don’t like the way their voice sounds when it’s recorded. I was just so excited by the whole thing that I wasn’t bothered what it sounded like.”
A fan of such diverse artists as Jill Scott, Etta James, Billy Bragg, Peggy Lee, Jeff Buckley and The Cure, Adele’s soul-tinged songs of love’s lost and memories made are set to resonate with all who hear them.
“I’ve got no problem explaining what my lyrics are about,” ADELE says. “I really like poetry: I’m not very good at reading it, but I love writing it. Singers like Jill Scott and Karen Dalton are amazing; proper poets.”
“My debut album is about being between 18 and 19; about love,” she continues. “‘Daydreamer’ is about this boy I was in love with, like proper in love with. He was bi and I couldn’t deal with that. All the things I wanted from my boyfriend, he was never going to be. I get really jealous anyway, so I couldn’t fight with girls and boys. It’s quite a sad album, [with songs about] being cheated on and not getting what you want”.
Anchoring it all together is ADELE’s incredible voice. As immediate as it is undeniable, its power is matched only by her Force 10 personality. “I’ve always liked being the centre of attention, yes,” she laughs.
ADELE is from a resolutely un-musical family. “It all comes from impersonating The Spice Girls and Gabrielle,” she cheerfully explains. “I did little concerts in my room for my mum and her friends. My mum’s quite arty; she’d get all these lamps and shine them up to make one big spotlight. They’d all sit on the bed.” Later, when her dad’s best friend, a dance producer, rightly declared ADELE’s voice ‘wicked’, he invited her to record a cover of ‘Heart Of Glass’. The first time she got a microphone in her hand, she realised her calling.
Secondary school proved instructive in as much as it gave ADELE an outlet to “meet all the R&B kids” and “sit around the playground singing.” But it was a pretty rough place and pursuing music there was something of a challenge, on account of the fact that ADELEwanted to sing and perform her songs but “the teacher was a bit rubbish. They gave me a really hard time, trying to bribe me, saying that if I wanted to sing I had to play clarinet to sing in the choir. So I left.”
So ADELE upped sticks, signing up to The Brit School, the Selhurst college whose alumni number Amy Winehouse, members of The Feeling and Kate Nash. However she had her misgivings…
“If I hear someone’s from stage school I’d think they were a dickhead, and I know it might make me sound like that. But it had free rehearsal rooms and free equipment and I was listing to music all day, every day for years. The music course was really wicked. There was no dancing or anything like that. No jazz hands.”
During her second year, ADELE’s resolve to be a singer was given a little extra boost – Shingai Shoniwa, the turbo-lunged vocalist with The Noisettes moved in next door. “She’s an amazing singer. I used to hear her through the walls. I’d go round and we’d jam and stuff like that. Just hearing her and her music really made me want to be a writer and not just sing Destiny’s Child songs. ”
Despite being quick off the mark on MySpace – her friend set up a page for ADELE’s music on the last day of 2004 – it wasn’t until 2006 that labels started noticing her talent. “I’d hate people to think that I was a ‘MySpace singer’,” she says. “I’ve got no right to be that. I’ve got, like, 10,000 ‘friends’, whereas Jack Peñate’s got about one million…”
When XL called her in for a meeting, ADELE was nervous enough to take a chum with her.
“I never, ever thought I’d get signed. The A&R guy emailed me and I was ignoring it… I didn’t realise they [XL] did all these amazing names…”
Despite interest from plenty of other labels, the independent regarded for its one-off, defining acts (for rock band, see The White Stripes; for rapper, see Dizzee Rascal) proved the perfect match for her one-off talent, and XL will put out ADELE’s stunning debut album “19” early next year. A single, the beautiful heartbreaker, ‘Chasing Pavements’ will precede it.
Before that comes ADELE’s debut release on Jamie T’s Pacemaker Recordings label, ‘Hometown Glory’ – a stunningly evocative picture of “all my fondest memories of London”. ‘Daydreamer’, a remarkable ballad notable for lyrics like ‘feeling up his girl like he’d never felt her figure before’ and ‘he could change the world with his hands behind his back’ has already floored the audience on the prestigious ‘Later With Jools Holland’.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen if my music career goes wrong,” she laughs. “I haven’t had a proper job yet.”